The Binge Eater

Being newly single and a workaholic, I joined Match.com...for a month. I didn't know too much about this weird online dating world, but I soon realized it's like online shopping ... for jeans. Some look awesome online, but then when you try them on, you're like, "What was I thinking? These look awful! Nothing like the online picture!"

Yet, other pairs appear as though they may not be the hottest jeans, but they're so gosh-darn comfy-casual looking that you can't not give them a try. So, you give them a go and realize they're just a little too casual ... a little too much like your brother or male best friend. Perfect for some other girl who wants that man-next-door vibe, but not your cup of tea. Then, you find that rare jem. After nights and nights out and countless online surfing. This rare jem pair is hot enough to wear for nights on the town, yet just casual enough for everyday. They're your perfect jean! So...freaken hard to find!

The date I'm about to describe was not my perfect jean.

The Courting
After 3 weeks on Match and no match, I was about to go off. I had only signed up for a month. Then, this one gentleman kept asking me out. He appeared quite attractive, active, smart, educated, and funny, so I agreed to go--after the 4th ask. I was just busy and sick of dating, but I figured if he's still asking, the man must seriously be interested, so I should go. I mean who knows?

We decide to meet at a tapas restaurant for dinner. I'm a few minutes late and frantically looking for parking. Ughhh...I hate parking. I call him and let him know that I'll be there in a few.

Ah-hahahahaha!!!! A spot! SWEETNESS!

I park and frazzedly scurry over to meet Mr. Match Man. From two blocks away, Mr. Match looks like Mr. Match plus 30 pounds. I decide that can't be him. I mean who seriously posts pictures of themselves that are super outdated???!!! You're going to meet the people in-person, so there's no point in disguising...at least that's what I thought.

Thirty Pounds Plus Binge Eating
As I approach the door of the restaurant with this larger man next to it, I look up inquisitively and stare for a quick second.Yup, he lied. It's him....dear lord, perhaps he's friends with the hibernator?

I say hello and start chatting away. Once I realize that not only is he 30 pounds more, but he's super shy and kind of awkward....I start to inwardly scream AWKWARD!!!! I don't know if I have enough talking material to make it through this date...uh...I hope he says something... at some point.

We're seated and begin the, "What do you do?" convo. And, you know, all the exhilarating 1st date stuff...The thing is, it's actually kind of exhilarating when you like the person and are interested. If you immediately know you're not into the person, it's exhausting. You're putting all this work into something you know is going nowhere. Now, I get why people need to be motivated and looking to move higher up in their jobs...

Anywho...as I chatter on, trying to unawkwardize the situation....I realize that I think I'm making him more uncomfortable. And it just keeps getting worse.

Finally (it's only been 10 minutes or so), we talk about food and what we want to eat. We're at a tapas place, so will be splitting items. As we're going through the menu, he looks eerily excited. I remark how good everything looks and how my girlfriend has eaten here and always dies after from all her supposed binge eating.

Mr. Match looks up as I say this and remarks, "I binge eat."

"Very funny. No, she's not really serious. She just loves the food here and always eats til she's super full."

Mr. Match: "Oh, I'm not making fun of her. I really do binge eat. Last night I made this huge vat of pasta and meatballs and ate like the whole-thing. It was supposed to last like all week, but my job has been so stressful lately. Yea, binge eating lol."

I'm sitting there, stone-faced. Holy shit. Mr. Match is serious. I stare and have no idea what to say. I always have an idea of what to say!

I utter, "Well, um ... what do you want to eat?" This is going to be a long dinner...

Needless to say, Mr. Match is not my match.

PS I now know where that extra 30 pounds came from and yes, the man can pack on the tapas...